Thursday, May 13, 2010

How do you learn to trust again?....

I have been in love and have been loved before.  I think alot of people get feelings of love, but time has a way of changing everything.  The fairy tales and movies all tell us that there is a happily-ever-after and that love will last.....but does it?   I want to believe in love and feel in my heart that there may be someone out there for me....but is that wishful thinking?...simply hoping?...

My parents had a love that lasted a lifetime.  My mother passed away in 2007 and I know for a fact that my father will never marry again nor even contemplate it.  SHE WAS the love of his life.   They were happy together for their whole lives.  It's something that I would love to find....but are we in a different era now?....are the days of happy marriages over? true love doomed?

Technology and media today are SO fast and there is so much to do and see and temptations are flying at us at the speed of sound.  People can be texted and emailed with temptations all day and I think that cheating on a spouse is made much easier than ever before....which makes me even less expectatious of true love.

My last relationship was the one I thought I was waiting for.  It exploded into passion and desire.   We were like high schoolers giddy with love for one another and we both did all we could to see each other and spend time together as much as possible.  We were best friends....or so I thought...and we laughed, played, made love like rabbits any and everywhere, had fun like kids,  and even cried together when we lost our dog.  I believed and trusted everything she told me because I loved her.  I love with all my heart and soul and believe that everyone should do the same when they come across 'true love'.

My trust was shattered, however.   Our slogan was 'forever and a day'....and that we would love one another the rest of our days...and would marry as soon as we could.   As beautiful and sweet and loving as she was....I found out that things were not as they seemed.   The first flag was one day as I stood next to her, she received a text from an ex-boyfriend whose name came up on the phone as the text came through....and when I asked her who it was from, she replied one of her girlfriends....upon which I told her that I loved her and expected the truth from her....and that I knew she had just lied.   She was totally taken aback that I wasn't furious and asking her to leave.   I asked her if she was still talking to him and she said 'no' and I told her to never lie to me again and that the incident would be forgiven.  Then, much later in the relationship, I discovered a receipt one day from a restaurant with 2 people on it and she had supposedly gone to see her children that weekend....I was told a lie about the dinner....this I now know.  I have to wonder how much of what I was told was a lie.  I find myself wondering if I'll ever be able to trust again.   I had opened my heart, my family, my whole world up to her and put her needs before my own and did my best to take care of her and love and respect her.....the way a good man should.....only to be taken advantage of and lied to.  I am SO friggin stupid that at times I STILL believe that what we had was real and that maybe I'm wrong about her....and I get mad at myself for being so gullable and soft hearted, wanting to believe in something that may have never been real at all.

HOW do you find trust and a way to believe again?   My heart is saddened by this.....and I wonder how I will be able to really trust someone with my heart again.   I try and stay busy and not think about it, but I know deep down that I'm really gonna have trouble taking love seriously again.   I want true love and a lifelong companion to spoil.....but is true love real?   I sit on my boat in my peaceful, serene setting and ponder this alot... anwers yet, folks....but I guess this is why I am Don Juan Quixote and have a quest to continue....and as the Zen Master always says when you climb the mountain to ask him a question...."We shall see..."


  1. I felt the same way about trust, and will tell you that I trusted my soon to be ex completely. We had a lot of other issues, but trust wasn't one of them. For someone that has never trusted anyone, that was huge.
    I am not giving up hope that true love is out there even if I have never had it. I can't stop believing.

  2. What you had WAS real. Don't ever question that.

    Look back on that with gratitude for what you experienced. KNOW that it is absolutely possible again.

    Her mistakes, your mistakes, all of that part is our belief in lack and low self-worth. There was a fear there that she couldn't recover from, for whatever reason. And it, unfortunately, played right into your fears too.

    Don't trust fear, Don. Definitely trust love. It has never left you.

  3. Danielle- I guess we're in the same boat...My foolish heart still believes whether I want it to or not.

    T-Thanks. You are right. It was a moment in time that my life was filled with love and my heart was content. I still cherish the memories of holding her close at night and having the companionship all singles long for.
    Thanks so much for your helped me today!!

  4. It's hard when you think you've found your true love, and that you can get through anything. ..and then it all blows up in your face.

    As leary and careful as I am now, I still believe. It will take A LOT to ever want to get married again. But once I find someone who wants to make me their's, and take my daughters in like they are his own kids.. then we'll see.

    It's out there. These days though, you just can't jump in head first anymore.

  5. I agree Jenni, that these days you have to be careful. So many people are simply players with no hearts. People say 'I love you' quickly these days. TRUE LOVE...the one that lasts and you both commit to being together at all cost, is so very rare, indeed.
    I know I have brought ex-girlfriend's children into my life before and honestly loved them as if they were my own, only to be even more broken-hearted from a breakup. I think you have to be careful about bringing the kids into it until you're both sure things will work out. This last girlfriend came on strong with my kids and won their little hearts over quickly and then treated them like a nuisance the last few months and didn't even tell them goodbye when she left...I, for one, could NEVER be mean to a child no matter what happened with myself and their mom.

  6. You will find love again...I say take relationships slow and listen to your heart. If you're unsure of something than listen to your heart. I also think some people choose a mate that is really not good for them, learn from your pass and try and stay away from the bad girls...We aren't all that bad I swear..Love found me again...and it can find you again too!

  7. There is good and bad in everyone. I am on a quest to find the one with a heart that is TRUE and and whose love is REAL. Many women have said those three magical words to me....but none are here to STILL say them.
    I am seeking the one that MEANS what she says and SAYS what she means.

  8. My last great relationship happened 8 years ago, and it was my first real girlfriend after my divorce. We connected on every level. It really felt like we'd known each other forever. But, she had trust issues, and we couldn't stay together.

    Now she's married with a kid. And I'm looking for a woman for me. My problem isn't trusting other people - it's trusting that the universe will bring a wonderful woman into my life as a partner for me.

  9. This woman had come into my life when I had quit believing in love. She made me believe in the magic of it again. This is why my whole belief system is out of sync now...I was jaded and lost and found love and a life...only to be shot through the heart again.

  10. I've never even been in love so I can't relate. From my point of view, I think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Sometimes I wonder if I am still human as I can't feel anything for anyone.

    Don't stop believing. I don't care how stupid you think you feel, it is not gullible, it shows that you are still giving love a fighting chance.

    I am not going to tell you that you will one day find the girl of your dreams as there really are no guarantees in life. But it is better to have tried than to have never given love a chance.

  11. I guessed from the title of the post, this was not going to be good news. I would love to fall in love again, just the way you describe and know that I'm still capable of those feelings. It's been a long time. At least you know are and if you keep your heart open, you will find love again.

  12. Senorita--I cannot believe you have never been in love...or at least no one has ever loved you as lovely as you appear to be. Love is within us is what makes us like God. It is the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

    Mandy--no, it did not have the happy ending I expected or wanted, but I am thankful to have had her in my life and for the love we shared. It was quite magical for a time...
    Hang in will find you when you least expect it!!