What good is Don Juan without women?

OK folks...everybody's asking me and I'm gonna bring it right out in the open.  Don Juan is NOT seeing anyone right now!  My buddies are all disappointed that I'm not running women and having any wild adventures of sex and absurd behavior.  They are truly astounded that I'm not going out and having drinks and meeting new and dangerous females.  What good is Don Juan without the women?  Their champion is letting them down!  Sorry, guys!!

I have been nursing a broken heart...putting my life back together and working on myself and my beliefs in love and relationships.  I am working more than ever and trying to write a blog as well.  I have been seeking myself lately...something we should all strive to do more of.  If you do not know yourself, how can you ever find the love of a lifetime?  Sometimes you just have to stop...slow down...and think about things.

I thought I had found 'true love' and it came fast and strong.  It was like a hurricane with winds that blew my senses away from the start.  It was great finding her, but it was all so sudden and happened so very fast...with the passion being hot as fire and rest and food being the only other things of importance.  She was living with me before I even thought things through.  Though I loved her, I found myself not being myself.
I was suddenly trying to be someone I was not.  I was trying to be everything she wanted me to be...and not being who I am.  I didn't take and constantly gave....which is not a bad thing...but there needs to be a balance.   I also didn't speak my mind and candy-coated everything to be sweet and loving, when sometimes I should have been strong and said what needed to be said.  I was weak and not the man I truly am...which is most likely why the relationship failed. 

I was devastated by this last relationship because we had said 'forever and a day' was going to be our motto and we would grow old together.  When it failed, the motto kept going through my mind over and over.  How could it be over?  Forever and a day is longer than 7 months, right?  Growing old together means 'growing old together', right?   It happened suddenly and without warning and I simply never thought it would end.....and I was wrong....and I was in shock...and I was hurt beyond measure.  I had let my guard down and let someone in to places near and dear to my heart and soul.  We were best friends as well and enjoyed spending time together and having adventures filled with laughter.  We had never even argued in the whole time we were together and suddenly, without warning, it all ended and she was gone. 

I did what most men would do.  I got drunk the first 3 weeks and drowned my sorrows with alchohol.  It made me tired...  I decided to take another approach and began working out and reading in my afternoons and it helped much more.  I decided to start writing again and it has been great therapy for me.  I began working another job to fill dead time and make additional money and it has been fun and challenging and my life is now filled with too many things to do.  I have very little down time any more.  I like it that way...

I am feeling much better now.  I am stronger and feel like I know what I want in life.  Though at some point, I may find 'the one', right now I am happy being alone.  I have friends and family that love me and my kids mean the world to me.  They have been my rock through this whole thing.  I am very blessed.

One day she will come into my life and it will be for good.  'The one' will be the one that stays...the one that truly loves me...who can see the bad traits and love me still...who can trust me...who can communicate with me because she knows it's the best way to make the relationship work...the one who seeks a best friend and a lover as well...the one that stays.  I know she is out there...I'm just not looking right now. 

Don't get me wrong.  DJQ has had alot of offers lately.  Some very interesting and tempting offers indeed.  However, the ignorant man continues to do the same thing and expect a different result....and I am trying to break the mold of Don Juan. That means no sudden sex and no drunk sex...period.

There is also one woman that intrigues me greatly right now.  She is different from the rest.  She is not pushy and is ok with taking time to get to know each other.  She is definitely one to keep my eyes on....beautiful,  sexy, intelligent, a very real person and sensitive as well.  As the Zen Master says..."we shall see..."

There also another saying from a Zen Master that 'if you seek it, you will not find it."....and this is a very true statement I've found in life.  The more you look for something, the harder it is to find.   So I have decided to wait awhile before letting Don Juan loose again on the world.  He is great at meeting women and finding lovers, but not so good at making relationships last.  Though I would love to meet 'the one' and fall head over heels in love, I know that a rebound relationship too soon would be destined for failure.

Through this recent transformation I have re-affirmed to myself that I'm a good man....one that truly cares about people....would do anything for a friend....and would die for a loved one.  I will make someone very happy one day and we'll live our lives loving and laughing till the end of our days.

Don't worry, guys and gals, Don Juan will surely ride again.  You may not be seeing him with different women at different times of the day anymore or having a new girlfriend weekly, but he will ride again.
He may not be the same as you remembered, but he will, as always, have a beautiful woman on his arm again...and he's ready for life again...

For now, DJQ is happy riding solo....and looking for a damn windmill's ass to kick.

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part IV

My dream the night before my mother's funeral had come true.  At the funeral, as I tried to extend my arms long enough to wrap around my 3 children to console them, it hit me that the dream was coming true.  They cried their little eyes out...but I could not cry for Mama.  She had been so ready to go...so tired...so much tragedy at the end of her life that her will to live had been sucked out of her.  She was in a better place now...away from the hell her life had been the last 10 years.  I was happy for her and felt the joy of her spirit being in heaven now.

My father took her death hard.  He was so lost without her.  We talked alot at night about how much he missed her.  For many months, he would awaken and believe she was there....either on her bed next to him or in her rocking chair in the room...talking to him...and several times I walked in to hear him conversing with someone.  When I asked him who he was talking to, he would say "Marylee", my mother.  He has been on morphine since his accident and though I tried to chalk it up to the medications, at times he would be talking to her and having a conversation I could hear from the next room and it genuinely seemed like he was talking to someone.

I told him the first week of her death that things would change.  I would be there to take care of him, but I could not sugar-coat life like my mother could.  It would be tougher on both of us, but we would be alright.
I even joked about us having a 'bachelor pad'....not noticing that my sister and brother were both listening carefully...worrying about how this would play out in the end.

I have been a bachelor for over 10 years and have had many girlfriends come and go.  Everyone knows my nickname 'Don Juan' and though they think it's funny, I don't like it much....for my kids....or my reputation.
Within a month or two of her death, I met a woman who I cared about.  It was my first online experience with meeting someone and she seemed to genuinely care about me.  She brought clothes and started staying at the house with us.  Daddy liked her and thought she was pretty and it was nice to have a woman in the house to help ease the pain of our loss.  I was taking care of him, but after a few weeks of no sleep and continually running home to help him, I realized we needed some help.  I contacted the new guardian of the estate, my mother's brother, to see if we could get some home-hospice to give us a hand as he was now legally in control of the estate.
We got a really nice lady to come help during the day, which made it easier for me to work longer hours at work.  At first, my father told me he didn't like her and was ready to fire her like all the many field-hands we had gone through since his accident.  I told him he needed to give her a few weeks, and if he still felt that way then, we would try someone new.  She ended up winning him over to my delight and things went smoothly for a few months.  The girlfriend stayed with me and this new home-hospice nurse got along well with her.  We both were beginning to heal from my mother's passing.  Things seemed to be working out for us.

I was in real estate since my return and one of the things we had needed to do was sell the large lakehouse as my father was unable to go and enjoy it any longer and the family had grown tired of it.  I had begun marketing the property and continually drove to the lake to check on things.  We had an offer or two, but it was an expensive property and there was no need to hurry and lose money.  My first indication of the days ahead came when I drove down to check on the property and noticed a different real estate company's sign in the yard.  At first I thought it was a joke, then a mistake, then I drove home as soon as possible to find out what the heck was going on.  I found out that my uncle, the executor of the estate, had decided to take the listing of the property from me and hire an agent from the lake who worked at a much smaller real estate firm.  I was not even allowed to get a referral, a standard thing in the business of real estate.  I was not even given a reason why from my uncle....which concerned me greatly.   The property even sold with a couple of months from a family that had seen it in one of my firms advertisements months earlier.   It would be a sign of things to come...

About this time, the girlfriend ended up needing to go back to her home as she had begun to have bouts of depression and mental anxiety due to the fact she could not afford to get her medicine in the last year.  Though she had told me about this in the beginning, her depression was getting worse and I knew she needed help.  I got her enrolled in a free medicine program that would get her pills shipped to her home and took her home.  It was a sad time for me.  I really cared about her and though things did not work out, I still talk to her from time to time to see if she is doing well.  She was very beautiful and loving while she was with me, but we just weren't meant to be.  We both knew that...

A month or two passed and I had been staying up with my father at night trying to take care of him.  His colostomy was acting up and I was going without sleep alot and trying to work during the day full time.  I decided maybe we needed night time help as well.  I called my uncle and we got a home-hospice company to start sending people over for the night shift.  For the first time in many months, I was able to get a full night's sleep with no interruptions.  I also could still be there to help if any emergencies occurred.  Even though we had help now, my father would still call for me to do things as he had become dependent on me to do things for him.

A few months later, my father got ill and had to be hospitalized.  He was having heart problems and kidney problems and got to the point where he had to be sustained with an oxygen machine.  Because he had not put anything in his life will about sustaining his life with a machine, my siblings and I had to make the decision to pull the plug.  We all actually said goodbye and had all the grandchildren come in and tearfully say their goodbyes as well.  I remember my youngest telling me she couldn't tell her Papa goodbye and cried her eyes out tellling me she would not go.  I told her that it was ok and that her Papa had always loved her so much....and always would...and that he was going to heaven to dance with her Nana soon.  He would have his hand and both his legs and Nana would be smiling and waiting on him.  It made her feel better.

The plug was pulled and somehow, once again, he defied the odds and slowly recovered over a period of several weeks.  The doctors once again said he was a miracle man.....something we all already knew.  
However, when he came home the first week he was not himself.  He was very angry at times and even cussed Smokey out several times for no reason....telling him he was not his buddy anymore and to get the hell off his property and never come back.  Smokey was hurt and shocked, since he had been a loyal fieldhand and friend of the family for years now.  I pulled Smokey to the side and told him to just keep coming back and to not take what he had said to heart.  He did, but for several days my father continued to be mean and spiteful and act like a totally different person.  He acted like a mad animal enraged with rabies.  I remember how upset it all made me witnessing his change.  I wrote an email to an ex-girlfriend who had asked how he was doing.  In it I told her that as his oldest, most loyal child it was hard for me to idly sit by and watch him go into dimentia, which he appeared to be doing.  Somehow, a friend of the family got a copy of the email from her desk at work and took it to my Uncle, the executor of the estate.  He took the email and had a meeting with my brother and sister, who, with years of jealousy and the worry that somehow I may get something in the inheritance they would not, determined that I had to go.  They actually served me with legal papers to leave the home and my father.  My father was enraged by the audacity of it all.  He wanted and needed me there.  The problem was that after my mother's death, they had convinced my father that because he needed someone to pay his bills and keep up with his fortune, my Uncle should be given Power of Attorney over the estate.  My father now had no power over any of his property or money.  My uncle was now legally the decider of everything in his life and everything he owned.  My father asked me to fight them in court and I did go with his brother, who told them just how much I had done for my father, and I told them how I had vowed to my mother on her deathbed to take care of him,  but basically the Executor of the Estate can make someone leave for no reason whatsoever if he chooses....and that was that.   I was forced to move out.

Since then my uncle has done many things to exile me from the rest of the family....especially my father.  I think somewhere in my life he became very jealous of my relationship with my mother, the money of the family,  and the fact that he has never married or dated much and I've had many girlfriends he could only dream about having.....I really don't know of his motive....just that my mother is turning over in her grave with anger over it all.
I have gone from being my father's fierce protector to an exile who has to watch from a distance helplessly as his health goes downhill.  It is a sad ending indeed, to a great battle we both fought together....one that brought us closer than I ever imagined.   He never told us he loved us growing up on the farm...he was never a very affectionate man...he was a man's man.....but after his accident,  I will cherish the memory of telling each other 'I love you' every day and night and even kissing him on his forehead as I left to rest.  We became great friends through it all and got closer than I ever imagined being with him.

Here's to you, McCloud 'Mack' Robinson.....the survivor of the Largest Wound in history and the Largest Wound ever covered with skin grafts....you have been an inspiration to thousands with your courage and ability to survive come what may......I will always be proud to have been your son and you will always be my 'Daddy'...I love you  now more than ever...and it has nothing to do with your money.  

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part III

Moving back to my small hometown was a huge adjustment. I had been living larger than life in Savannah with plenty of money and time to myself. It had become a place of refuge for me and I knew that leaving and moving back would be hard.

The place I grew up is a rural farming community. It's full of fields, farmers, and friendly folk who love to hunt and fish. I hunted when I was younger, but gave it up at the age of 15 after killing a doe one day when the older hunters were having a doe-day and everyone was supposed to kill a doe for population control purposes. She was a small deer and the guilt of taking her life overwhelmed me and made me sick with anger at the heartlessness of the men I once looked up to. I changed that day...I never went hunting again with my father and brother and the rest of the men of the community. It was about this time that I was beginning to shine in sports anyway and I decided to concentrate on being a great athlete and trained year round.

The farm looked the same as always when I arrived. Dry fields and lots of woods...a tractor in an old barn in the back that, ironically enough, my father and brother and myself had built out of railroad ties. The railroad ties have a lifetime expectancy of 500 years and will be here when my children's children have children and longer.
My father looked pale and had aged alot since I last saw him. My mother looked so haggard and tired...I knew that I had come when she needed me most. She was so happy to see me...it was like the cavalry had arrived.
I certainly didn't feel like the cavalry, but knew that I was young and strong and could handle just about any physical effort that would be needed. My father still weighed over 350lbs. and had to be manually moved from the bed to his air chair whenever he wanted to get up. The hardest part was his colostomy, which, on occasion, would fill up and overspill if his stomach got upset. I realized very quickly the job I was facing and longed to jump back in my car and haul ass back to Savannah, but I knew I couldn't...they were my parents...they had raised me, fed me, and taught me everything I knew about life. How could I NOT be there for them when they needed me most? My brother lived in a huge home not far from them, but he had re-married and had a new wife who kept him busy with a honey-do list. My sister was a psychologist married to a psychologist and didn't get along too well with my mother, so she stayed in her mansion and visited briefly when she did visit. My mother claimed I was the only one who gave a damn...though I knew my siblings did love them. I always felt a little bad for them because my mother made me into some kind of super-hero who did everything right and could do no wrong in her eyes...which was wayyyyy off base, believe me.
The move back changed my life completely. The culture shock of moving back to a town that didn't have the same modern conveniences of larger town was the first thing that hit me. I would miss always having somewhere to go and a new restaurant to try. I would miss always having a party to go to if I felt like it. I would miss my friends on Riverstreet and hanging out watching the ships roll in.
The sky did seem to be larger and the stars much brighter in the country and Blue loved being in the great outdoors. It was much quieter as well.
Life slowed down to a snail's pace and I took a deep breath of the fresh country air and thanked God that I could be there for my parents in their time of need. It was a good feeling.

My mother had begun to have fainting spells and when she finally went to the doctor for testing, she came back quiet and would refuse to talk about it. It made me worry about what she wouldn't tell us. It made me know that something bad was wrong. I knew it in my heart...
Taking care of one person is tough, but two people who are overweight and having to be moved manually is a tough job indeed. I would also have to get up in the middle of the night to help get medicine for my father if he was in pain or help clean up another colostomy mess...the worst thing you can have to do at 3 in the morning.
I went into Real Estate and started selling properies. It was something I enjoyed, though the money was not as lucrative as I was used to. I also had the freedom to come and go as I pleased and could help Smokey, our fieldhand, get crops planted in the manner that my father wanted. My father had always been a 'hardass' about his crops and how they should be done. We went through about 7 or 8 fieldhands after the accident because of this. Smokey was, and still is, the only one that has lasted.

My children have always loved the farm and enjoyed being able to spend more time with their grandparents. They would run through the fields barefoot...something I loved when I was a child...and I loved being able to share my childhood stories on the farm with them. They would never get tired of the funny stories and the adventures I had as a child. They would get me to tell some of the stories over and over again.

I had gone from being a playboy in Savannah with tons of money to the life of a farmhand once again.  It was like a bad dream that I had to live.  But I had always had a tenacity for the tough things in life.  I could handle just about anything.  I enjoyed being able to sit and just talk with my parents.  My mother talked non-stop and loved having someone to complain to....she knew I cared as well.  She told me many times she was so tired....she had seen the man she loved cut in half...she was prisoner to taking care of him....she had lost 2 grandchildren, with the last one dying on a 4 wheeler on the farm and her having to walk across the field with his brother to pull it off of his dead 8 year old body.  She talked about Ryan alot....she never got over his death....he was such a beautiful child and so full of life...we called him Ryan the Lion.  She had simply had too much heartache to bear in the last 10 years....she told me she was tired of this life and ready for God to take her.  The lupus always had made her tired before, but now she was never rested and felt more tired than most people could ever imagine.   I was proud to be there for her once again...and knew this would be for the last time.

We found out in 2007 that she had a brain tumor.  She knew for many months even before the testing that something was terribly wrong....and so did I.  The doctors said they needed to operate as soon as possible.
I knew the night before she left for the operation that she would not be coming home.  I remember calling my ex-wife and demanding she bring the kids over to see their Nana.  She thought my mother would be ok, but I told her I knew otherwise...I had a dream the night before and in the dream my kids were crying uncontrollably and I could not get my arms around all three.  They came that night and we took pictures of them and their Nana.  I fought back the tears and tried to be strong.  I knew she would not be coming back...

She had an aneurism during the operation.  She went into a coma and the doctors said there was no hope of reviving her.  Her living will stated that she would be cut loose from the machine keeping her alive.  I was at the farm taking care of my father...something she had made me promise I would do before she left for the operation, when my sister called to tell me I needed to drive to Columbia, SC to be there when she was unplugged.  They would wait till I got there.  I remember sitting in the car for what seemed like forever....feeling like the grim reaper knowing that my mother would die when I got there.  I walked as slowly as possible to the room...filled with her 5 sisters, her brother, and all the grandchildren...everyone crying and sad beyond compare.

Everyone gathered around the bed when they pulled the plug.  One by one everyone said goodbye.  She gasped for air for several minutes and then a glowing smile came over her face out of nowhere like she had seen someone she knew and loved...and then she passed away.  In my heart, I know she saw Ryan waiting for her with his hand out...or at least that's exactly what it looked like.   Everyone cried and sobbed....but for some reason I could not.   I knew she was finally getting her rest.....and her body would not be tired anymore....and she was with loved ones who had gone before her.  I was truly happy for her...

Stay tuned...this will be in more parts than III, part IV coming soon...

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part II

Savannah, Ga. is a beautiful place to live. They call it the Garden of Good and Evil. It is full of beautiful gardens, old mansions, good old southern hospitality, and lots of alchoholic beverages. It also has one of the highest murder rates and lowest number of crimes solved. It's the place pirates called home when British law was in the Carolinas and Spanish law was in Florida. You can have a drink downtown and go watch a Voodoo ritual in a nearby graveyard. It is a town where there is always a party and you're always welcome there...and it's a custom for you to have to take a 'to-go cup' when you leave. It's a place of excitement, beauty, danger, and mystery. It was just the place I needed to recover from all the madness of the money and life's failures...

For a time in my life, I seemed to have it all with money and a beautiful wife with 3 beautiful children...but underneath I was fighting many demons. My corporation was much more than I anticipated and the pressures were just too great. My marriage had fallen apart over the money and I had made many wrong choices that I greatly regretted. I felt so much guilt over the break-up of my marriage and splitting away from my children. They were too young to understand and that seemed to make me feel even worse. I knew it was all my doing and that I could have been more selfless and stayed in a love-less marriage. The worst part was that it had not been love-less...I truly loved my wife and wanted a life with her. She had just become more and more distant and never wanted any 'us' time. I needed her more than she could know and just didn't know how to make her see that. She had become obsessed with the money...the one thing I despised more than anything.
I spent way too much time alone trying to sort things out in my new, bright red jet boat...the fastest, most beautiful boat on the lake. My family had purchased a very nice 2 story lakehouse and I spent many afternoons there trying to drink sanity back into my head. I had many friends...some were true friends...others were leeches looking to just hang out at a nice place and ride in the fast boat. I was simply running away from life and living life way too fast. I knew eventually I would burn out...and I did. I was doing too many jobs at the corporation and never knew if I was going or coming. I didn't sleep well and stayed tired all the time. On top of all of this, my marriage had hit the rocks, I started seeing a beautiful employee and my wife had started seeing a friend of mine that was actually a groomsman in my wedding...yes, a groomsman in my wedding. This particular slam became my breaking point. I quit on life and decided the humiliation was simply too much for me to stay in the same town. Alot of our old friends continued to hang out with her and my new replacement and I became taboo. It was a tough time in my life that took years to recover from.
I shut down the corporation and sold the equipment and myself to a company in Savannah. They gave me a high salary, unlimited expense account, and a free penthouse to live in. I moved there with my 6 month old dog named Blue. He was an Alaskan white Husky mixed with a Timberwolf and looked like a white wolf with blue eyes. He was my best friend in the world and we loved our new world in Savannah. We would go to Riverstreet every afternoon and go for a walk. The friendly people there would even let me take him into bars to get a drink. We didn't know anyone in town, yet, so we became a daily fixture at Riverstreet. We got to know all the basketweavers, artists, and musicians on a first name basis and they always loved seeing us. They all called me 'Doc' and called Blue 'Ghost dog' as the city had alot of tourists going on ghost tours all the time and one little girl had cried one night when she saw the 'ghost dog'. It was an eye-opening, self-discovering, and healing time in my life. I was finally happy...being away from the madness of the money and knowing that no one knew who I was or whose son I was. People loved me for who I was and it made me feel better about who I was.
My children were happier too. They loved coming to Savannah every other weekend with my girlfriend from back home and knew that we would go do fun things and exciting things every time they came down. They particularly loved Riverstreet. They felt like stars because all the people working there got to know them by name and we could bring Blue with us as well. I remember how excited my youngest daughter was when she learned how to make a flower out of reeds. We were regulars on the circuit and the magicians would always pick us out of the crowd to be a part of their shows because we knew their acts by heart. My kids felt like they belonged there and knew that their Dad was happy there...though at times I felt extreme guilt that they were having to travel 2.5 hours just to see me. I also felt bad that I couldn't be there during the week and had to miss ball games and beauty pageants because of work. I still remember the tears that would fall every time they left...I loved them and missed them so much!!!
I dealt with it as best I could, though, and tried to look at the bright side of things always. Being a good parent, at times, means you reflect on what you are doing and wonder if it's the right thing for them. No parent ever knows that what they're doing is really right...for themselves or their chilren's best interest...life is just a mystery and the answers to life are never easy to find.

As the years went by and my kids got older, so did my parents. My father had been doing ok and was getting around in his air-chair and living a functional life. My mother was hit with the heavy burden of caring for him though. She did everything for him and never did anything for herself.
She began to hate the prison of life with him. He could never be alone for long and could only sit up for about 2 hours at a time. This left her with a small amount of time for herself. Though she had all the money to shop with she could need, she didn't have the time to shop or go and do and travel like many people dream of doing when they have plenty of money.

She called me in 2006 and told me she really didn't know how much longer she could take it. My father was demanding and didn't think about all he asked her to do on a daily basis. On top of that, she was not feeling well. She confided in me that she had spells where she didn't know what was going on and was confused. She also said she had fainted a few times and did not know why this was happening. She had always had cystemic Lupus and also high blood pressure...and since my father's accident, she had gained back around 100lbs. that she had always proudly kept off for 30 years since her last child. She hated it, but was stuck laying in a bed next to my fathers eating and feeding him and taking care of him the best way she knew how...with her cooking.
She told me she needed me....something that always grabbed my attention and was something I always took seriously. She knew I would always be there when she needed me and I would not let her down. I was the athlete in the family and she proudly went to every basketball game, football game and track event to yell at the top of her lungs. I was her pride and joy and she was the first to let you know this. She loved my brother and sister too, but always loved me a little too much. I think it's because I brought her flowers all the time when I was a little boy growing up on our farm. I loved my mother and was never ashamed of it either. If she needed me, she knew all she needed to do was let me know...and this time she was in bad health. On top of that, she said my siblings were talking about putting my father in a nursing home...and that was all I needed to hear.

I decided that it was time to go home. The Prodigal Son would return. I let my employers know I had to go and reluctantly said goodbye to my friends in Savannah. I took a job making significantly less money and moved in with my folks back at the farm to help take care of them both. Blue would at least now have hundreds of acres to run on and I could also spend more time with my kids and they could also spend more time with their grandparents as well. It appeared to be a good plan...

It seemed like such a happy ending. The trouble with happy endings is that they are never an ending...just a time in life...and time changes everything. Things would change for sure...and the road would never be as easy as I would think it would be. It never is, though, is it?..

Stay tuned for part 3, folks...

Life, Money, and the Largest Wound...Part 1.

Money is said to be the root of all evil. It is also a necessity of life.
The world today is obsessed with money. It makes people greedy. People steal, cheat, lie, and kill for it. Some people would die for it...
It is said that people who win the lottery usually are NOT happier because of it and that most of them end up miserable. Why then, does everyone I know WISH they could win the lottery? Why can't people realize that true happiness comes from within?

Psychologists say that people need 3 things to be happy...1.something to do, 2.something to look forward to and 3.someone to love. None of which have to do with money...

My life has been filled with ups and downs. I have been very wealthy at times and been very down and lonely. I have also been very broke at times and been very down and lonely. I can honestly say that having money helps with paying bills and making you feel better about tomorrow, but I know that it doesn't help at all with being lonely or depressed. Though it does bring around more friends and helps with finding a date, do we really want friends and a mate that are around because of it?...

My family is very wealthy. The money came from an accident my father had 13 years ago. It is blood money. He worked for the railroad and one day a co-worker sent a rail car without radioing ahead. It rolled over him from behind and cut him in half. He also lost his hand. He had 2 hours to live when he arrived in Charleston, SC via helicopter and they weren't even sure how he made it there alive. He received 40 units of un-matched blood on the 5 minute ride there and the wound was so large they didn't have any idea how they would stop the bleeding. I remember the doctors telling my family to go see him one last time to say goodbye. We entered the room to find blood everywhere and his whole body swollen to 3 times it's size, which is a body's defense mechanism to a limb or part being severed. We told him goodbye and as we departed from the room, the doctors took us aside to let us know that because of what we had just seen, we all would suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which is normally gotten by military personal who witness friends being killed and maimed in war. It was all a terrible nightmare from which none of us could awaken from.

Somehow my father denied the odds and survived. He also set a few records along the way. He is in the medical journals as the largest wound survivor and also the largest wound covered with skin grafts. His settlement with the railroad was also the largest out-of-court settlement in the history of the railroad. I remember wishing that my father was rich before the accident and how guilty and bad I felt that now he was a millionare many times over...and how I wished we could give it all back if he could be the way he was before the accident. Money would never pay back for all he lost and all the suffering he had gone through. It became our family's curse...

I helped nurse him back to health in Charleston. We had around 100 people come to pray and support the family at first, but as the weeks went by, people had to go back to work and back to their lives. One by one, everyone departed until one day it was my dear mother and myself looking at one another. I saw the sadness and despair in her eyes...and she looked so very tired and lost. I knew she would never leave his side. She had loved him since they married right out of high school and she would stay by his side till she dropped dead from fatigue...this I knew. She also had many health problems and was in total shock as well. As the oldest son, I felt it was my duty to be there for them both. I owned an equipment brokerage and knew I was the only child in a position to help. I remember how stubborn my mother was about leaving his side...and knew I was probably one of the few people in the world she would trust to be there in her absense. I told her she needed to rest and take care of herself in order to stay healthy and fight this thing we were faced with. I told her I would stay with him through the nights while she went to the hotel across the street to rest and she could stay with him during the day. She was reluctant to leave his side at all, but agreed that she was tired and could not continue to stay at the hospital 24/7. I spent the next several months in hell fighting by his side in Charleston at night. Not only were we fighting infections from the large wound, the anti-biotics were expected to shut down his body organs eventually and on top of that, they were stripping large pieces of skin from all over his body to cover the wound as fast as possible...and my family was fighting to keep our sanity. My father was a cross between Daniel Boone and John Wayne growing up. He was always working or hunting or fishing or farming and was always the strongest man anyone had known in our community. To see him cut in half and fighting to live was one of the hardest things for me to see in my life. I knew life would never be the same...and it wasn't.
Against all odds, my father survived. The doctors still don't know how he survived. They say he is a miracle man...and he truly is. He is the strongest man that ever lived without a doubt. I am proud to be his son.

My family thought maybe the money would help heal things in some way. It didn't. My sister and brother and I received large sums of money as well in the beginning. We ALL have divorced since. The marriages all were victims of the money. My sister bought her 8 year old son the nicest 4 wheeler money could buy and it would kill him less than a year later. I opened a large service corporation with 20 employees and ended up divorced and lost. The money made life confusing and the fact that it had come from my father's blood made life a paradox. I became lost in the world and didn't like the world the money had made for my family. Everyone had nicer toys, but everything seemed to be about money. The family had more relatives and friends than ever and it seemed that business proposals and the need for loans from my father seemed to come from everywhere. People my family had known all our lives took advantage of my father and received loans that would never be paid back. My faith in people dropped to an all time low.

I began to hate what I was seeing and hate my life of money and being an heir to the fortune. I closed the corporation and merged with a company in Savannah, Ga to get away. It worked for awhile...for a few years I lived in a town full of people who didn't know about the money and accepted me for who I was. Unfortunately it didn't last. A few years later my mother called to let me know she was not doing well and she needed my help again. She was having fainting spells and was the primary care-giver for my father. They refused to have home-health as my mother babied him and took care of all his needs. She was wearing down...and she was beginning to hate life as well.
She told me my siblings were talking about putting my father in a nursing home and that was all I needed to hear. I had 3 children in town as well that I missed desperately and I decided to come home and help take care of my parents and get to see my kids more often. I took a much lower paying job and bit the bullet and came. Life was not about money. It was about family and taking care of one's own. I could help take care of my parents and also get to coach sports to my kids and make it to all the beauty pageants and events in their lives that were important to them. It was not a hard decision to make for me...I had been there before for my parents and had always told them they could count on me...and meant it.

Though I knew it was not an easy road I had chosen, I had no idea how hard the road would become...

Due to length of content, this post will be in several parts...check back for parts 2 and 3.

Over my head

Kinda hard to hide your true feelings when your world shatters...
Better to embrace emotions rather than deny the feelings.

This song is dedicated to those courageous enough to carry on when our world shatters and everyone knows...

Foo Fighters - Wheels

Foo Fighters ROCK

Videos ear candy...

I've decided to post some videos for everybody to listen to and ponder about life.
Some are sad, some are upbeat, and all of em are good thought-provoking songs...

Enjoy this weekend, yall!!! It's gonna be close to 80 degrees here in the Carolinas and the flowers are in bloom!!!

Highway 20 Ride Lyrics HD

A great song...

One of Lenny's best....

Music for the soul...

Forever and a day...

People do things sometimes that they may regret and sometimes people simply make mistakes when they are not thinking clearly. DJQ is definitely one of those people...and he is far from perfect. All people have good and bad traits in them. One good trait DJQ has in his heart is that he'll never turn his back on a friend and never say 'i love you' and not mean it. Life is a tough thing to figure out sometimes, but someone who you can truly count on is a rare thing...

Just know that if at any time I have called you 'friend' or 'best friend', I will always be there for you. If I've ever said 'I love you', this is something I meant. It doesn't matter if you've broken my heart or broken my trust...if you fall into either category and are ever in a bad situation and don't have anywhere else to run to...you can come to me...and I will give you shelter from the storm. I am one person in this world you can count on...and that is something you can count on 'forever and a day'.

Some people in this world will say 'I love you' and not truly mean it...some will say they are your friend and not truly mean it...DJQ is proud to KNOW he says what he means and means what he says...and you can always count on that...until the day he dies.

So if you're having trouble trying to figure out life and it suddenly hits you right between the eyes, know that DJQ will not judge you or scorn you when you run to him...and will be that one true friend to the end of his time here in this crazy world.

Check out the new song by Rob Thomas below...it's a good one!!

Music for the heart...

Sometimes music says it all...

Batman is my Dad

My little man was turning 4 and asked me if Batman could come to his birthday party, which was 6 months away. As most parents do to the thousands of questions that pour out of a young child, I went along with the fantasy and just said "sure, I know him and will get him to come."

A few months before his birthday, I realized I had put my foot in my mouth once again. I found out that his older cousins were laughing at him and made him cry because he'd told them Batman was coming to his birthday.
I thought to myself "OMG, what have you done?" My little boy had complete faith in what his dad, the biggest super-hero in his world, had told him.
I immediately began to think about how to fix this mess. I got on good-old Ebay and found a movie-replica suit. Batman suits are NOT cheap either, by the way. I had it shipped to my business and opened the box. It was actually kinda cool. Most boys dream of being a super-hero and this dream ends once you graduate to the world of bills and adult problems, but my dream began to come back to life once I opened the box and realized I had my own Batman suit. Batman would be there at the party. It was a mission of dire importance.
The night of the party, I finished work and waited till everyone was there.
I dressed at work and this was no easy task. You see, Batman suits are not like you imagine. The suit does not slip on and zip up in the back. It is actually many layers and takes some time to get fully Batmotized. I finished the layers and put the cape on, which is the final touch. The cape even has long prongs built in to make it open up to about 10 feet wide, which is really kind of intimidating looking when a 6'2" man is wearing Batboots, making him around 6'4" with a 10 foot wide wingspan. I looked in the mirror...and looking back at me...WAS BATMAN! Wow! This was gonna work.

I drove to the house with the mask off so I could see to drive. When I showed up, I put the mask on, did one final Bat-check to make sure I looked authentic, and saundered to the door in the dark. I beat three times really loudly on the door....My son was sent to the door. He opened it and his mouth dropped. I think he was terrified at first to see Batman in person as the Dark Knight makes quite a scary first impression. Batman is larger in real life and more scarier in person. As I entered the room...silently of course, I looked around at all the people. The cousins that had laughed at him turned pale with fear, froze for a moment, used the 'feet don't fail me now' method to head out of the room completely terrified at the sight. I chuckled to myself with satisfaction that my son's claims had been redeemed.

The party was a success and my son was indeed happy to know that his Dad had gotten Batman to appear there. A few weeks later, my kids found the Batsuit in my closet and, of course, assumed that their dad was the real Batman. I told them that I couldn't say either way. It was for their own protection...which kept the mystery open for many years.
The Batsuit became the hit at many of my friends Halloween parties. They would call and request that Batman come. I took the kids trick-or-treating dressed as Batman a few times and my son always wanted to be Robin. I must have shaken a thousand kid's hands while trick-or-treating as they all believed I was the real thing. We have some great pictures of us that I will always treasure.

I still have the Batsuit in the closet. I don't go on as many missions as I used to, but know it is there if I do need it. My kids have all grown up and realize that Dad is not Batman for sure, but they do know the lengths their Dad will go to in order to make their dreams come true. My youngest daughter, who is 10, still gets a kick out of the suit. When she tells me someone was mean to her at school, I tell her that Batman will pay them a visit in the night and have a talk with them...it always makes her laugh with delight.

To all the Dads out there...know that you are the biggest super-hero of all to your kids. Your super-powers come from within. You may be tired at times, depressed at times, and feel unworthy at times, but know that the power is there...and you can save your child's world every time with a little effort to let them know you love them and that they are safe with you.

See you next time...same Bat-channel...same Bat-Blog

DJQ

The power of a child's love...

A few weeks ago, I was devastated with the break-up of a relationship I thought was true love. I believed I had found the relationship that was special and meaningful. I truly thought this was the person I would grow old with.
Once she moved out and I realized how much she had brought to my life, I was deeply depressed. I looked around and saw all the things in my home missing from her departure. The furniture, pictures, appliances, etc., and the memories of things we had done, the places where we laughed and loved and spent time together all haunted me. I was lonelier than ever and was wondering if I could, once again, pick up the pieces of a broken heart and continue my quest for love.
When you find someone you believe is THE ONE and suddenly they are gone forever, it's hard to believe in love at all, which is a depressing thought in itself. How would I even begin to start over with my heart bleeding from a love I had believed in with all my soul?...

I have 3 children from my ex-wife. A daughter, 16, who's beautiful and smart and popular. A son, 13, who's an excellent athlete, that I'm proud to say is also very humble and gentle and looks out for smaller kids and always is willing to help others. Then there's my youngest, who is 10. She still gets excited about coming to Dad's house and watching movies together. It's better than Disney World to her.
My oldest spends much of her time with her friends, like most other 16 yr.olds, and she has graduated from the weekend ritual of coming to Dad's house and watching movies together. She is 16, but has the intelligence of a college Sophmore and knows now how to get what she wants. I know when she asks me a question, she already knows the answer and is playing me like a seasoned chess player. I am proud of the woman she is becoming and allow her to find her way at my heart's expense. Yes, I wish we could go back to the days of having all 3 together and laughing and cutting up and cooking and watching movies, but she's getting older and wants to spend time with her friends and I understand. We have an open relationship and she tells me everything that's going on in her life...which sometimes I do NOT want to know, but am glad that I'm the most trusted man in her life.

My son and youngest daughter both still love to come stay with me. We cook together and watch movies usually. It has become a tradition that started long ago when their mother and I split, but they still look forward to it and so do I. We crack jokes when it's a bad movie and laugh at the bad acting and poor writing. They love horror movies and my youngest still screams when something scary happens, which makes her brother and her Dad still jump out of their skin and then laugh. The whole time we're together, we laugh and talk and bundle up together on the couch for movie-time. It is something I cherish in life.

During the transition of my latest love's departure, I was reluctant for them to come over and see the house in disarray. I always try to protect them from my misfortunes in relationships, but have come to realize that they take it in stride. They simply love their Dad. My youngest still wants me to get married again someday and looks for the 'happily ever after' for me. She wants me to be happy and hates thinking about me being alone. She is such an angel.
I missed seeing them for several weeks because of the house being in disarray and my depression. I also was trying to get back on my feet financially and had alot going on in my life. I was deeply depressed and knew I couldn't hide this from them. Finally, I could not be alone anymore and called the ex to tell her I NEEDED my kids right now. I knew that just being around them would help.
My oldest came first one weekend with her friends in tow as usual. Hanging out with them and talking about life truly helped me put a perspective on my life as well. My oldest is very mature. She said that she would insist on her approval of the next girlfriend before I could get serious with them. I think she is right. Sometimes a man can become clouded in his judgement because of sex or beauty and there are alot of things that go right by his judgement like common sense and seeing fault in a beautiful woman even if it's completely apparent. My oldest, whom I call my Girly-girl, told me SHE was the only girl I needed in my life....and I knew in my heart that she would always be there...no matter how old I get...no matter what I've done...she WOULD always be there.
Next weekend, my other two came for movies, my famous spaghetti, and a weekend of laughter and fun. The house was a mess, but they didn't care at all. They were simply glad to be with their Dad again. We laughed so much that weekend. We watched some scary movies and some funny ones and it was one weekend I shall never forget. It was a weekend of hope and thankfulness.
One of the first things my youngest daughter, whom I call my Boo, said to me when she arrived, was that SHE was the only girl I needed in my life. (I didn't tell her that her sister had said the same thing.) It made me realize how much they love their Dad. I WOULD go on...I COULD go on...knowing that I have 3 beautiful, smart, loving children that will make a difference in this crazy world one day.
Even though my relationships with women recently have all ended poorly, my kids are always there in the wake of disaster with love for their Dad, and they've taught me to laugh about the relationship crashes. They teach me to laugh at myself as well sometimes...

Living life alone is tough sometimes. You may think that things are just too difficult to go one...you may think that life is over for you...you may believe that you will grow old alone and lonely. But if you're lucky enough to have children, KNOW that the power of a child's love is all you need to carry on. It can make you go from darkness and hopelessness to an all-knowing hope that life will go on and get better with time. They truly bring light back into your world and make you believe in the power of love.

Though I frequently feel like a bad dad and not worthy of such great kids, I know that they look up to me, they love me with all their hearts, and they love simply being with me. This makes me realize that maybe I'm not such a bad guy after all...and that I am truly blessed.

Don Juan Quixote may not be the perfect man or Dad, but he is perfect to his children...just the way he is. The realization of that can truly spring a man out of any depression. I am ready for life again...

Thank you, my Girly-Girl, my Little Man, and my Boo!!! I love you all SOOOO MUCH!!!

Lets talk about SEX

Ok, as promised....sex and Don Juan Quixote

Sex is a natural thing in life. It is GOOD. It can make you feel GOOD. It releases endorphins that make you feel like you're on drugs! It can be soft and gentle, rough and aggressive, and passionate and hot. It can be kinky...kinky to some is a norm to others, by the way.

Don Juan Quixote is a philosopher at heart. I believe you should always strive to get better at the things you love....in order to master your life. I have been a lover now for, well, many years lets say.

It's exciting and usually pretty quick when you're a teen and just starting out. However, as time goes on, you begin to realize that sex for longer periods is awesome as well. I have studied the Kama Sutra and many other books and manuals on sexuality. I've had many lovers and can say that they all considered me good and this is something I'm not bragging about, but letting you know that if you practice and study enough about anything, you become better and better. I am a 10th degree black belt in the martial arts of sex now...a master. (not master-bater, but master...though masterbation is a good release too and can be very stimulating when done together with your lover as well.)

The main thing lovers need to do is commmunicate. Letting your lover know what turns you on is the #1 thing you can do to make your sex awesome. If your lover is good, they will take the knowledge and expound upon it. Some people like oral sex and some don't; some like to give oral and some dont.
Some women enjoy anal stimulation because of the many sensitive nerve areas and some are anally retentive and do not want you to touch that area at all. Sex should be free....and we should all strive to try different things at times to see if we like them. I'm not saying I would try being with a guy, mind you. But I have had girlfriends who enjoyed having another woman from time to time join us. I actually prefer a one on one sexual relationship, but do try and please my lover and stimulate them in whatever way they desire. Adult toys and videos are always a good way to spice things up and should be used from time to time, but be careful that you don't become dependent on them. I've heard some women cannot even 'come' without the use of their vibrator because they've used it so much. A vibrator can be a great tool for lovers in the bedroom. It can be used in many different ways...;)
A man can use his mouth, tongue, and fingers for stimulating his lover and in time can become a master at making her climax with these tools. Taking time and building it up slowly is usually the key to this. Sex is great...why rush it and make it over quickly. Take the time! Put on some hot romantic music, candles, and take it slowly...it is awesome when you get the build-up and the timing right.

One great thing to do with your lover is to take a full day and just make love all day. I don't mean constantly, but stay in a robe all day, get some movies and plenty of food in the house, and make love throughout the whole day. Guys, this is where Viagra, Levitra, whatever, is a great asset as well. You may not think you need it, but try it and 12 hours later you will love it and she will think you are a lion!!

I always strive to get my lover to climax. For me, there is nothing more exciting. Everyone climax's in a different way too! Some women lock up and go into convulsions, some scream like hell, some like to talk and tell you when it's time, and some will come quietly, some will come only once or twice and some will come 15-20 times in a row. There are some that enjoy anal pleasures to get there, some with fetishes,(like graveyards, WTF?) and yes, there is such a thing as a squirter. (Keep plenty of towels around and wash sheets frequently.)

At this point, I must let you know that sex with a person you trust and are in-love with is the very best sex, but that is always called 'making love', and is a whole different category than just sex.

Remember, sex is good and always fun, but please remember that safe sex is the only way to prevent transmitting diseases.

If you have any questions or would like to comment, please do!!

Don Juan Quixote

Jimi Hendrix - Bleeding Heart

A little Rock for your world from my friend Jimi...

Wednesday March 10, 2010

So, where were we...

Oh yeah, she had moved in and things were changing. Ladies, guys are not good with change. They like for it to change slowly and without a whole lot of fuss. She painted several rooms prior to moving in, made me cut all the shrubs back around the house, and moved in with 10 times more stuff than I ever dreamed of having. I was ok with it, though, because I was head-over-heals in love. I didn't care if she had alot of fancy glass artifacts that I was afraid I would accidently break. I didn't care that I wasn't even sure what the fancy rug-looking thing hanging from the wall was. (A tapestry, I found out later.) I accepted that these things were important to her....so I just smiled and tiptoed around the glass thingys.

She came and quickly won over my family, friends, and most importantly, my kids. It all seemed so perfect. She seemed so perfect. I guess I knew...deep down...perfect never lasts.

Within a few months, her bills kept piling up. I was unable to keep her bills and my own bills paid and she quickly went into 'beeotch' mode. Suddenly, the sex became more infrequent and the moods began to swing. Complaining about whatever came to mind became the norm at the end of my workday. Yep, the honeymoon had gone sour quickly.
Though we did let each other know we loved one another daily, she just was not the same woman I had fallen for....and I hated seeing her unhappy. It made me hate myself for allowing her to come. We had been so happy before, when she would come down every weekend, and I realized we had jumped the gun by moving in together. Reality bitch-slapped me hard.

But what were we to do? She had already moved all her things there. We were in love and wanted to be together, only the economic climate was aweful and we were realizing that together we were...poor. We did all we could to save money, but there was not even enough to eat and pay all our bills together. We were slowly getting strangled by the economy. It was hard to breathe...
I had found her a few jobs, but she had left a high paying job to come be with me and was not willing to take the ones I had found her. We were together for 7 months, she lived with me for 5 of those. I finally had to tell her she needed to go back home and find a better job there. She had come from a bigger city and the jobs paid better there. At first, we agreed that we were in love and I would try to get a better job in the big city and we could be together. But sometime during her moving, she started getting angry about it all. She went from telling me she loved me and wanted a life with me to telling me the very next week that it was over and we were done. She had a yardsale, made as much money as possible, and left with all her stuff and some of mine...and the most heart-breaking thing to me was that she didn't even tell my children good-bye and they were all hopeful she would be their step-mom one day.

Though my heart was broken, my heart has been broken many times before....and it heals itself. You find things to do. You try to better yourself. You read that book you wanted to read, but didn't have time for. You start working out again with the extra time you have when you're alone. You start writing a blog.

And the kids? Well, I worry what they think of their Dad sometimes, but they are very well-behaved, loving, and full or humor. They know I love them with all my heart and are the most important people in my world...without them, I would truly be lost. My love-life is a constant subject of laughter for them.

I promise tomorrow's blog will be funny. The whole broken-hearted thing gets old....even to the broken hearted. We must all find humor in ourselves. It is a fundamental in finding happiness.

Take care out there and know that you are not alone in this lonely world.
Never quit on life....because you might miss tomorrow's adventure from Don Juan Quixote!!

Tomorrow we'll discuss.....the sex-life of Don Juan Quixote. You do NOT want to miss that!!!

In the Beginning....March 9, 2010

Star-Date March 9, 2010....these are the adventures of Don Juan Quixote. A noble, gentle man of virtue seeking love in a troubled time. He has been divorced for 10 years now and has had many women enter his life promising love for a lifetime and......so far.....they have all somehow left his side for one reason or another. Most men would have given up by now, but Don Juan Quixote still seek the diamond that floats in a sea of coal. She is out there...somewhere...and she is waiting on him. This he knows...

My most recent break-up has left me heart broken once again. My heart has been broken many times, though, and is becoming more and more resilient as time goes on. I almost have to laugh at myself for feeling sad this time. I knew from the start it would probably go sour at some point because she was too good to be true....and she was. I told her from the start she would break my heart and she would only laugh and say "Baby!...I love you with all my heart and this will never change. We will be together forever!" Of course, at that moment, with the love in her beautiful blue eyes and the sincerity in her soft voice traveling through me like a river of love, I would totally believe her and fall deeper in love with her.
She was 10 years younger than myself, blonde, blue-eyed, thin with a very nice rear. I am a sucker for the 'hips to waist' ratio and have finally realized that it is very important to me when it comes to physical attraction. I once was a 'boob' man, but realized at some point in life that the nice round behind with a slim waist had a primitive draw to me sexually. She came into my life unexpectedly and suddenly and we went from meeting casually through a mutual friend, to signing as facebook friends, to messaging on FB, to driving and meeting halfway between the two hour drive between us for our first dinner...which she paid for impressively. This all happened within a few days.

Our next date would be the very next weekend..3 days later. She came to stay with me and we went out and had drinks, danced, and our first kiss was so powerful and intense that we did not hear the ending to the song and continued dancing and kissing long after the song had stopped. It was one of those magical moments that makes everyone in the bar wish they had that kind of chemistry with someone. The song was "In color" a country song about two people who tell their grandkids about how their love story sounds good, but you should have seen it in color and been there...a very romantic, heart-felt song. We made passionate love all weekend long in many different ways and rooms. It was 4th of July weekend and we were hotter than any fireworks display that weekend.

She came to stay with me every weekend after that first weekend. We sent loving emails and texts back and forth flirting and having internet foreplay. It was an exciting and awesome time for both of us. We told each other we loved one another within 2 weeks of this affair's beginning and though we were both scared, we knew how our hearts felt and just lept. Before we knew it, we were talking about living together, sharing our lives together, growing old together.
She was still living in the huge mansion her ex-husband had bought with her a few years back and was wanting to move into my 1800 s.ft. country home....a very modest bachelor's pad complete with a gameroom and a bachelor's mess.(Guys do not clean the same way women do...we ALL know this!) She had a great job where she lived and I told her she should not come until she found another job. She insisted that she loved me and would 'dig ditches' to be with me.....and i was head over heels in love, so I said "come on, Baby! Let's do this!"

In hindsite, I should have never let her quit her job and move. We were happy with the way things were. She would come down on the weekends and we would miss each other all week long....playing and flirting online and through texts till we were in a frenzy of passion by the time she arrived the next weekend.

She came and prepared the house for the move by painting the rooms first and cleaning the places women think need to be cleaned for a home to smell properly. For the first time in a long time, I was not lonely and as happy as I can ever remember. I was so proud for my friends to see me with this beautiful woman. I could not kiss her or make love to her enough. It was sheer heaven on earth for awhile.....yes, for awhile.

She moved in and things in my bachelor pad were never the same. I suddenly had rules to abide by and things to think about that I never thought about before. The dinner menu went from whatever to whatever she was in the mood for. My plans were not as spontaneous as before and suddenly I had to check with my significant other as to what 'we' wanted to do instead of just going and doing. Things changed....some things were better...like holding someone all night when you go to bed...some things for the worse...having 2 people's bills to pay....and change things did.

Things change in life. I have studied ZEN Philosophy and I love what the Zen Master always says to those who climb the mountain to ask their questions...."We shall see..." is always the answer. It means that only time will tell. There is one thing constant in the world we live in....CHANGE. You can count on change happening. Everything changes...it is constantly changing. Yesterday, I was still thinking about a blog....today....I write the first of many entries. Tomorrow, if I am still alive, things will be different from today. I may have a different perspective on life. I may meet THE ONE on the way to work.....not likely, but possible. Things will change...

This blog will tell the tale of Don Juan Quixote's quest for love. My friends have called me Don Juan for years now.....partly because Juan rhymes with Don and also because I am good at getting girlfriends and not-so-good at keeping them. I will find my way, though, and hopefully find the happy ending everyone seeks. Along the way, I hope to find many readers who can gain better insight into love and share better insight into love. We are all seeking that someone...and if you say you are not, then you are in denial or still hurt from a bad relationship. It's easy to just say "I don't want anyone in my life...I just want to be alone...I'm happier alone." and then you watch that romantic comedy alone and find out that might not truly be the case in your heart if you are honest with yourself.

We're all stuck on this planet together, people. Keep checking in with Don Juan Quixote to explore the subjects of life and love and maybe laugh a little along the way.

I have many stories and adventures to share! Don't go away.....we are just getting started!!!!!

Don Juan Quixote