Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What good is Don Juan without women?

OK folks...everybody's asking me and I'm gonna bring it right out in the open.  Don Juan is NOT seeing anyone right now!  My buddies are all disappointed that I'm not running women and having any wild adventures of sex and absurd behavior.  They are truly astounded that I'm not going out and having drinks and meeting new and dangerous females.  What good is Don Juan without the women?  Their champion is letting them down!  Sorry, guys!!

I have been nursing a broken heart...putting my life back together and working on myself and my beliefs in love and relationships.  I am working more than ever and trying to write a blog as well.  I have been seeking myself lately...something we should all strive to do more of.  If you do not know yourself, how can you ever find the love of a lifetime?  Sometimes you just have to stop...slow down...and think about things.

I thought I had found 'true love' and it came fast and strong.  It was like a hurricane with winds that blew my senses away from the start.  It was great finding her, but it was all so sudden and happened so very fast...with the passion being hot as fire and rest and food being the only other things of importance.  She was living with me before I even thought things through.  Though I loved her, I found myself not being myself.
I was suddenly trying to be someone I was not.  I was trying to be everything she wanted me to be...and not being who I am.  I didn't take and constantly gave....which is not a bad thing...but there needs to be a balance.   I also didn't speak my mind and candy-coated everything to be sweet and loving, when sometimes I should have been strong and said what needed to be said.  I was weak and not the man I truly am...which is most likely why the relationship failed. 

I was devastated by this last relationship because we had said 'forever and a day' was going to be our motto and we would grow old together.  When it failed, the motto kept going through my mind over and over.  How could it be over?  Forever and a day is longer than 7 months, right?  Growing old together means 'growing old together', right?   It happened suddenly and without warning and I simply never thought it would end.....and I was wrong....and I was in shock...and I was hurt beyond measure.  I had let my guard down and let someone in to places near and dear to my heart and soul.  We were best friends as well and enjoyed spending time together and having adventures filled with laughter.  We had never even argued in the whole time we were together and suddenly, without warning, it all ended and she was gone. 

I did what most men would do.  I got drunk the first 3 weeks and drowned my sorrows with alchohol.  It made me tired...  I decided to take another approach and began working out and reading in my afternoons and it helped much more.  I decided to start writing again and it has been great therapy for me.  I began working another job to fill dead time and make additional money and it has been fun and challenging and my life is now filled with too many things to do.  I have very little down time any more.  I like it that way...

I am feeling much better now.  I am stronger and feel like I know what I want in life.  Though at some point, I may find 'the one', right now I am happy being alone.  I have friends and family that love me and my kids mean the world to me.  They have been my rock through this whole thing.  I am very blessed.

One day she will come into my life and it will be for good.  'The one' will be the one that stays...the one that truly loves me...who can see the bad traits and love me still...who can trust me...who can communicate with me because she knows it's the best way to make the relationship work...the one who seeks a best friend and a lover as well...the one that stays.  I know she is out there...I'm just not looking right now. 

Don't get me wrong.  DJQ has had alot of offers lately.  Some very interesting and tempting offers indeed.  However, the ignorant man continues to do the same thing and expect a different result....and I am trying to break the mold of Don Juan. That means no sudden sex and no drunk sex...period.

There is also one woman that intrigues me greatly right now.  She is different from the rest.  She is not pushy and is ok with taking time to get to know each other.  She is definitely one to keep my eyes on....beautiful,  sexy, intelligent, a very real person and sensitive as well.  As the Zen Master says..."we shall see..."

There also another saying from a Zen Master that 'if you seek it, you will not find it."....and this is a very true statement I've found in life.  The more you look for something, the harder it is to find.   So I have decided to wait awhile before letting Don Juan loose again on the world.  He is great at meeting women and finding lovers, but not so good at making relationships last.  Though I would love to meet 'the one' and fall head over heels in love, I know that a rebound relationship too soon would be destined for failure.

Through this recent transformation I have re-affirmed to myself that I'm a good man....one that truly cares about people....would do anything for a friend....and would die for a loved one.  I will make someone very happy one day and we'll live our lives loving and laughing till the end of our days.

Don't worry, guys and gals, Don Juan will surely ride again.  You may not be seeing him with different women at different times of the day anymore or having a new girlfriend weekly, but he will ride again.
He may not be the same as you remembered, but he will, as always, have a beautiful woman on his arm again...and he's ready for life again...

For now, DJQ is happy riding solo....and looking for a damn windmill's ass to kick.

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